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I think that I'm going bald.

Yeah, everyone seems to be making profound statements around me. I come back from work to find everyone to have updated their weblogs with profound words of wisdom. I'm talking to Chileno across the room about higher-order, practical theology and the possibility of there being an entity even goofier then the Chilean himself.

As much as higher-order, practical theology interests me, the circuitry in my brain is fried from a late night at work.

I saw Ryan today. He's still cool.

So, I just quit my job. I feel relieved and horrible. I feel relieved because I don't have to worry about any of the crap that went down being my responsibility. I feel horrible because I feel like I'm abandoning my coworkers, but I'll feel better later.
Sorry, Mar and Amy: no more free food.

Today was awesome! I woke up early because I usually feel much better about a Saturday when I wake up early and not waste it away sleeping. I went and got a decent breakfast. I went to the library to watch a tape on the history of the English language for a class only to find that the library didn't open until noon. So, I did meaningless things until noon. Afterwards, we all straightened up our duplex because we were having company later that evening. We had our freakin' sweet O. group party for all of the new freshmen. From about 8:30 PM until 3:00 AM, our numbers grew and shrank until it was just the five of us having a Two-AM-Conversation™. We talked about serious stuff and funny stuff and serious stuff that became freakin' hilarious. It makes me thankful for such guys. Where were they my freshmen year?

Okay, so I called the company with the opening, and everything looks decent. It's looking very promising. The only problem that I see now is quitting the café. I know that it doesn't really seem that difficult: you walk in, you quit, you yell, you call your boss bad names and then you're done. Well, it's not really that simple. The people that I work with in the café aren't just my coworkers; they're people that I actually take the time out of the day to stop by and chat with between classes. I'm not the type of person who keeps secrets from my bosses and coworkers; I'm very up front and honest with them. So, they're well aware that I'm looking into another job. Everytime I talk about quitting with Phyllis (the morning cashier), it seems like she tries to hold back tears. Still, she was very up front and honest with me. She told me that sometimes, we need to do what's best for ourselves. I seem to worry too much about what's best for others. If it weren't for the fact that the café would be short staffed without me, I probably wouldn't have worked there this semester. When I leave, I know that I'm going to be leaving a big hole for my boss to fill, but, as Phyllis said, I need to do what's best for myself.

I got a taste of my own medicine.

My very beloved roommate is leaving us. Oliver Konow, Chileno, Oliva Konizzle, Oli — whatever you call him, he's considering leaving us to go live in a townhouse with another friend. I felt very sad and depressed for the better part of the afternoon (but a trip to Sonic and SWEPCO brightened the evening). I realise that even though Chileno's departure will leave a hole here, he also has to do what's best for him. I don't really have a right to be upset with him if he's doing exactly what I'm doing.

It's late; I'm tired, and I'm waking up early to watch some video in the library on the history of the English language. Fun!

Not kidding! It really is fun!

I'm thinking of selling the café. Now, I just have to find a potential buyer.

This is continued from last evening.

So, I eventually stumbled back to my duplex after the shift. I decided to visit the other side to see if anyone was still awake. Fortunately, Andrew was up studying. We had a little chat about how both of our days sucked. I listened to Andrew's story, but he can put his story on his weblog; I'll put mine here. Essentially, I told him how I worked in the café because it was enjoyable work, but it was becoming unenjoyable work. I told him that I was considering quitting. Andrew pretty much gave me the confirmation that I should, but I told him that my boss would most likely talk me out of it.

She did.

I went to talk to her today, and she pretty much reassured me that I was ready for the job despite the fact that I pretty much know that I'm not. On one hand, they love me at my job and tell me that I do an excellent job. On the other hand, I know that others on campus see me working there and see me doing a bad job despite working my best with the fact that only one other person is on duty with me. I want to have a reputation for good service. I even told the campus chef last night, “I would rather quit then do a bad job.” Everything is making sense in my mind: quit.

It might be making more sense.

Just today, I received an e-mail from a missions organisation. They've stated that one of their employees quit on them to focus full time on studying. He mentioned me as a possible replacement. I have to say that the timing seems convenient like some invisible hand is moving me away from one area of my live and moving me towards another. It's been said that when God closes a door, He opens a window. I guess that it's just a matter of determining if he's really closed a door and if he's really opened a window.

Also, a big thanks to Dria and Jim. Your encouraging words are… encouraging.

So, tonight I felt like crying for the first time in years.

Tonight sucked! On top of just having a harder-than-normal course load, I've been trying to keep my job at the wonderful California Café on campus. No, the pay is not great; I keep the job because I like it. I enjoy smiling at people, calling them “sir” or “ma'am” and satisfying their cravings for good ol' American food. I love my coworkers, and they seem to love me. It's usually been awesome… until now. Now? I'm in charge. I'll say this: being in charge sucks. When problems happened before, someone else knew exactly what to do, and the situation would be remedied. Now, when problems flare up, I'm the person that all people look to for solutions. The problem is that I don't have the solutions; I'm just not that good at what I do. I had people waiting for twenty minutes for a cup of coffee! Needless to say, I didn't do my job well. I feel that I've been placed in a position that I'm not ready to do alone. I feel that I still need someone there to hold my hand at this point.

In addition to the problems with work, college life is taking its toll on my sanity. I think that I took a slightly larger class load than I should have. However, I'm going to try to stick with it. Plus, I'm involved in some other campus whatnots. I just finished my O. Leader shindig this past weekend. (I missed the celebration party tonight because I had to work. It really made my day when two of the O. Directors came over to my workplace for no other reason than to give me a mug as a present for my work.) I'm continuing my place with Acting on AIDS as one of the leaders in a position that I'm more comfortable working in. Plus, I'll be working with Men's Ministries doing the-Lord-knows-what. It would help to cut one of these out of my schedule in order to retain my sanity.

In addition, tensions are rising among those that I live with. Most of it's just issues that I really have no control over. Others, I'm directly responsible for. Apparently, my roommates haven't been able to get a decent night's sleep because I supposedly have a snoring problem. I don't feel so bad about it because my roommate likes to hit me in my sleep. He probably stays awake at night waiting for me to snore so that he can take out his sadistic aggression on me by smacking me with a pillow as hard as possible.

It's raining. Anytime it rains, I want to smoke. However, I only have a pipe, and that's not compatible for quick smoking, and I'm impatient at the moment. However, that's probably a good thing. Smoking's only going to kill you quicker, but at this point, I wouldn't mind dying. Of course, I never mind dying, and if that's the worst that can happen, there's hope in life after all. I haven't smoked since I've gotten to Arkansas, so I'll see how long I can keep this up. Then again, it's 3:00 AM, and I should probably sleep instead of smoke.

Yeah, I have that utter feeling of panic that accompanies the first part of the semester right now. Hopefully, it will go away like it normally does.

I'm hungry.

I just need to say a special thanks to a certain friend. Thank you Amandria for the very wonderful scarf that you spent countless hours making for me. I can't wait for the cold weather to come and freeze Northwest Arkansas so that I can utilise my scarf.

Ah, the joys of the recent changes in my life:

• Duplex — I now have a freakin' sweet home that I share with my two best friends in the world. I haven't had this much freedom… ever. I hope that I don't abuse my newly found freedom. However, when you keep in mind the type of person that I am, I doubt that that's an issue.
• Arkansas weather — You got to love it. Well… most people don't, but I'm crazy. In Colorado, it can still get very cold at night. Here in Arkansas, there's such an abundance of humidity that it stays very warm at night, and I like that.
• Freshmen — These wonderful creatures are mature, eager and totally dig this whole college shindig. I feel blessed to be a part of helping them adjust to the joys of college.
• Sandwiches — With the duplex came a reduced meal plan. However, I'm totally loving the concept of eating sandwiches whenever the craving is produced. Now that I have a kitchen, the idea of entertaining guests appeals to me. Now, if I could just find some guests…

Here is a really helpful hint to all of you: don't store clothes and bleach in the same box for an entire summer.

I'm just going to make this entry, and, then, I pack the computer up and head to Arkansas.

Don't ask me why, but I was thinking tonight about façades and the concept of being a different person around different people. Once, a while ago, someone once told me that they thought that I was a different person while in their company. That statement made me a tad upset. For one, I didn't really feel that I was that was an accurate statement about me. I personally didn't feel that I put a façade up for different people. Then, I started to think about why people might think that. Then, I realised that there might be a bit of truth to that. Obviously, all people act differently depending on their surroundings. I feel that it's a good thing too. After all, only an idiot would act the same way at a funeral as they would act at a baseball game. So, naturally, we probably do act differently around different people.¹

Still, despite the way that I might act differently, does that mean that we're different people? I don't really know the answer to that. I, on one hand, feel that I am the same person despite the setting or environment that I'm in. On the other hand, I see other people who, it seems, at their core are different in different environments. While in one setting, they might be a principled, pious and upstanding citizen where, in another, they're an immoral, vile creature.

What do you think?

1. Still, the context in which the accuser told me that I was acting differently was that I was sinisterly doing it on purpose. I do not.

I'm an idiot.

Opportunity only comes once in a lifetime. When opportunity passes, you just got to live with it. Somehow, I don't accept that. Opportunity will come twice in a lifetime… I hope.

So, I went down south for a wedding today. On the ride, we passed by a little Christian, private school. What caught my eye was the mascot: “Home Of The Crusaders”. Crusaders? Hey, that was my high school mascot.

At first, I really like the crusaders for a mascot. Why? It's unique. I mean, how many high schools and colleges use the eagles for their mascot? It's stupid. The crusader is unique and fearsome.

However, do you really want the crusader to be the symbol of Christianity to the world? I mean, if the local Islamic high school (if those exist) decided to make their mascot the Jihadist, would that boost people's perception of Islam? The crusades were the most brutal instantiation of Christianity to date: it was a massacre of both Jews and Muslims. There are even records of cannibalism being practised by the crusaders. Then again, if mascots like the wolverines and Spartians are the norm, I guess that crusaders aren't that bad either. Anyway, that's just me talking.

Okay, we went and hung out with each other tonight. We went to a coffee shop and then to a park, but Peter left his car at the coffee shop. As I dropped him off at his car, we had a little chit-chat before we parted ways. I made the observation that there was no apostrophe on the sign of the coffee shop: “Starbucks Coffee”. That surprised me. Shouldn't there be an apostrophe there denoting possession because it belongs to some guy Starbuck or Starbucks (I never read Moby Dick.)? Whatever his name is, there should be an apostrophe either before or after the S. It's the same case with Pikes Peak. It should be called Pike's Peak with an apostrophe because it was Pike's peak, the peak of Pike. However, dumb USGS rules won't allow for apostrophes in names of mountains. What's next: no ks or ws?

I pride myself with utilising good grammar. If you ever catch me screwing up my grammar¹ before I catch myself, I will give you a dollar. You might think that I'm stupid that I would fuss over something so minute, but please shut up after you realise that you're getting money for this.

These are my grammatical pet-peeves. If you catch me using them, you get a dollar too. I hate…

1. …putting an apostrophe between the number and the s in terms like the 90's, full house of 6's over jacks or I'm in my mid-40's. The proper usage should be '90s, 6s and 40s.
2. …misusing AD. AD should always come before the number, not after: AD 2006 and not 2006 AD.
3. …using digits for numbers that could be written with less than two words.
4. …using two spaces after a period; that's a holdover from the typewriter era.
5. …, lastly, using words like guesstimate, Nashvegas and spanglish.

1. This doesn't include split infinitives, sentences ending with prepositions, singular they, lack of serial commas and who in the objective case; I consider each of these to be perfectly grammatical.