Weblog

So, life's been nice to me. This weekend was better than most. Our duplex served as a social centre hosting a movie night. The following day, I watched the rugby club win their first home game, and, later, we “forced” Amelia into fixing us dinner which was based on a recipe that I pretty much stole from my former workplace. After that, we went swing dancing as we normally do on a Saturday. Last night was the traditional JBU TP game which I don't feel like explaining the tradition of. If there was any low point, it would have had to have been when the Broncos lost to the Colts.

Yesterday was a typical day, but it still feels like it's today because I haven't slept yet. It's 4:14 AM CST, and what am I doing at this hour? I'm reading about the history of Microsoft Windows all while using only the command prompt to open files and programs. Yeah, I have no life.

Otherwise, this weekend has been filled with many discussions with Peter, Andrew and Ansen about why I am the way that I am. A while back, I took the Myers-Briggs test to see what type of personality that I have. It came back as ENTJ. However, I've been thinking about whether that's really my proper type or if I've changed since then. Surprise surprise, I haven't. However, this time, I read through the entire profile of a typical ENTJ. I was shocked at some of the similarities:

• “Inefficiency is especially rejected by ENTJ's, and repetition of error causes them to become impatient. For the ENTJ, there must always be a reason for doing anything, and people's feelings usually are not sufficient reason.”
• “They are the natural organisation builders, and they cannot not lead. They find themselves in command and sometimes are mystified as to how this happened.”
• “They are likely to think through relationships carefully, giving prolonged consideration to projections. Once the matter is thought through, the NT is ready to proceed with investing in the relationship. If it does not work out, the NT is likely to shrug his or her shoulders and turn away, perhaps with only mild regrets.”
• “NTs tend to be relatively uninterested in acquiring wealth and as mates, therefore, tend to be satisfied with modest comfort. Possessions as an end in itself seems not to motivate NTs; rather, enjoyment in the beauty of an object, pleasures of design and building, pleasure in elegant functioning in possessions all motivate an NT.”
• “NTs seldom, however, lose interest in owning books and knowledge; these hold their interest year after year, and an NT's home is likely to be well-lined with books.”
• “The errors of others, whether family members or not, are not the NT's errors, and are handled objectively. The NT's own errors are those which are inexcusable, and unforgivable.”

It's somewhat of a comfort to know that the things that I considered unique about myself aren't that uncommon. Then again, it's depressing to know that the things that I considered unique about myself aren't that uncommon.

Okay, I was just doing some reading for one of my classes. Specifically, the class was British Empire. At this point in the class, we're going over the British Empire in the late-nineteenth and early-twentieth centuries. What struck me as odd was Cecil Rhodes' view of the empire.

Some of them, it seemed, would never be fully satisfied until the whole world was British. Only when there were no foreigners would Britain be entirely secure from foreigners. This was the ultimate in imperialist paranoia.¹

I took this and thought about it for a bit. I came to a conclusion that that's actually not bad logic: if there's no one to fight, there will be no more wars. Still, why must we expand our borders before we stop seeing others as foreigners? Why not just put aside nationalistic views of what we consider alien and just realise that we're all humans.

I would go on a rant about how I feel that some Americans have trouble with regarding foreigners as less than themselves, but I've said enough for one night.

1. Bernard Porter, The Lion's Share: A Short History Of British Imperialism 1850-2004, 4^th ed. (Harlow, England: Pearson Longman, 2004), 134.

I've often wondered about how sincere my intentions are. When I go about my day, when I do the things that I do, am I doing them because I want to be good or am I doing them because I want to be seen as good?

I'm going to be honest here: sometimes, I feel like a fake. Here at John Brown, I colead a ministry designed to create awareness and activism of the global AIDS pandemic. The truth is that the AIDS pandemic is something that I seriously have a heart for. When I lead this ministry, I do it because I want to help out and not because I want to be seen helping out. If I wanted to be seen helping out, there are probably much easier ways to do that and better ways to be seen. However, when I'm doing the tasks for this organisation, the thoughts going through my head sometimes lean more towards the tendency of being seen doing good by other people.

The thing is that, in a way, I think that it's good for people to see me doing good and think better of me. I mean, do I really want people to see me doing good and think badly of that? Although, I know that when my thoughts are that I'll get exposure because of what I'm doing, my head isn't where it should be.

Well, I'm here writing when I should be studying, and, since I've pretty much finished writing about what I wanted to write about… I'll go study.

So, my Internet connection in my house goes out, and I'm disconnected from the world. So, instead of watching the Broncos play football, I'm in the lobby of the library taking advantage of the wireless Internet connection.

Anyway, my life's not interesting right now. The stuff that I need to do, I'm doing later, and the stuff that doesn't need to be done immediately, I'm doing now.

I'm hungry. I didn't write anything interesting here, and you just wasted your time reading it.

Sucker!

God, give me another opportunity, if not to satisfy my simple desire, to correct my foolishness and to allow me to see what you see.

As I was walking to the laundry facility to do my laundry, I saw a deer standing among the buildings, and, as I looked at this deer, its grace and beauty, I thought about writing about this on my weblog because nothing else eventful happened today.

Every Thursday evening, a group of JBU students cram into the second-floor lounge of the Walker Residence Hall for Chai Time — a session consisting of drinking chai and hearing about missions and other global topics. It's an excellent opportunity to hear news about missions in the world and to pray for them as well. Plus, as an added bonus, the chai is free.

Recently, we had the opportunity to hear from some missionaries to francophone Europe. By all means, I do value the great work that missionaries do around the world: my aunt and uncle are missionaries to Cambodia, and my father used to build churches and orphanages in Mexico. However, there was a certain attitude that was brought up that bothered me.

France is a country currently dealing with some ethnic issues. Between five to ten percent of France's population is Muslim, and this is mostly the result of recent migration from Muslim countries in Africa. At Chai Time, our guests brought up an issue stating, from what I interpreted, that it was ridiculous that Muslims in France could just expect to be able to carry prayer mats to a university and wear headscarves to schools.

Why is it that Christians can whine and complain about the great number of Christians worldwide who deal with that type of persecution (which, by all means, they should whine and complain about it), yet, when another group or religion has to deal with the same issue, Christians can show attitudes of intolerance, hostility or apathy? How can we being a religion that has dealt with persecution both now and historically “deny for others what we demand for ourselves”?

I believe that Christ is the only way to God, but not everyone will believe that. By all means, they should be told of the message of the cross, but are we to persecute those who refuse to accept it? By tolerance, I'm not saying that we should embrace elements of other religions, but rather live peacefully with people with differing opinions. Christians (especially in America) value being free to practice their religion in whatever manner they wish. Should that feeling be any different when there are those of another religion that wish to take advantage of that?

The answer is no.

Okay, I've generally assumed that I'm weird. It's just been a fact of life for me. Whenever people have told me that I'm weird, I accept it. Of course, I'm weird! I'm like the Latin stepchild in a Greek family!¹ I can shrug off being called weird easily because it's true.

The question is how weird is too weird? I've noticed that over the past week, several people have brought up the fact that I'm weird. After multiple instances, I'm starting to wonder if this is a sign that I need to change. Obviously, as humans, we should be on a quest to improve ourselves. Why? Umm… I don't know. I do know that making it a point to unimprove ourselves would end up in destruction, and that can't be good. Anyway, improvement is good. So, would being less weird be an improvement? Everyone has their quirks that make life interesting… some more than others. Are my quirks reasonably tolerable to other people or should I scale it back and be more normal?

1. Ask me how I coined that term sometime.

I am deaf in one ear. I'd go into the story about how that happened, but that's off the topic. The point is that I have to deal with it. I have to sit somewhere near the front of classrooms in order to hear. In noisy environments, I have to tilt my head to the left. I have to hold the phone up to my right ear all the time.¹ I do my best to not complain about my problem but to just make the best of it. Sometimes, I might have to ask someone to repeat something three times in a row, but I typically don't burden people with my problem. Often, my friends might poke fun at some of my mannerisms resulting from my being partially deaf. It really doesn't bother me… most of the time.

I don't know why, but hearing something tonight really kind of hurt me in a way that I can't explain. Normally, this kind of thing doesn't bother me, but, tonight, it did. I really don't know what to do, but I have to manage some how. Maybe, I'm just thinking too much about such a small thing.

Should I really be losing sleep over this?

1. Which is actually the better ear to hear out of. Linguistic processing is done in the left hemisphere of the brain, and the left hemisphere also controls the right ear. So, it is more efficient to hear language in the right ear than the left.

So, I've been wondering about what direction I need to start heading with my life. I want to end up teaching in college, but before that, I feel the need to go to some far away place and help others. I've been thinking of going into either missions work or relief work. I haven't decided which one I'd like to do. There is a big difference between the two, and, I've noticed, there's sometimes some animosity between the two. I've heard chapel speakers come to JBU and say that we shouldn't be trying to preach to people; we should be feeding them and caring for them. I've read articles on the Internet by people who believe that we shouldn't be giving food and clothing to poor people because that's only false hope; we should be giving them Bibles and telling them about God's love.

Both sides of this argument just make me want to shrivel up and fall into a coma. Both sides have good points. It is true that giving a starving person food won't save their life; it's only going to keep them alive. As far as preaching to people, what good will that do if they can't see the love of Christ through His followers? When they see us living in relative wealth “denying for others what we demand for ourselves”, how are they supposed to believe in a system that doesn't follow the greatest tenet of their religion: love God, love others, love God by loving others.¹

What's my point? There is a place for both relief work and missions work. Christ spoke of caring for the hungry, the thirsty, the naked, the sick and the prisoners.² We must feed the hungry, quench the thirsty, clothe the naked, cure the sick and visit the prisoners. However, Christ also told us to get the word out to all the world.³ So, we have a great commandment and a great commission. It seems obvious to me (and should be obvious to everyone) that there's a place for both in Christian ministry. Some are called to be relief workers; some are called to be mission workers. Others are called to be both. I don't have any ill feelings toward people who preach and people who help. However, the next time I hear a chapel speaker talking about the evils of proselytising people or of feeding people, I might have to resist the urge to pull them off of the stage by their ear.

1. Mark 12:28-34
2. Matthew 25:31-46
3. Mark 16:15

It's pretty undeniable: I love people. I like giving things more than I like getting things. I don't mind it when people interrupt me to chat. I could go on and on about this, but you probably get the point: I love people. What I'm wanting right now is to help people in practical ways. However, it seems that I'm unaware of opportunities of how to do that. I would like to go out of my way to assist people, but I don't see ways that I can do that. I kind of wish that people would just come up to me and start asking me for favours, yet people don't.

I'm tired. It's late. I still have homework to do.

I need to smile more. I think that we all do.

Yeah, so the university decided to be nice to us and gave us Monday and Tuesday off. So, what are you supposed to do with only two days off of class? Like two years before, I decided to stick around on campus. However, unlike last time, amazing people have decided to stick around and keep me company. It's been a blast.

I must say that it was great to get home from church on a Sunday and do nothing all afternoon except for watching football¹ while two girls in aprons slaved around in the kitchen making us a dinner of steak and potatoes. However, being the gentleman that I am,² I offered to help, and I did. I manned the barbecue grill and got the hair on my right arm singed off in a freak accident involving a lot of lighter fluid and a lighter. Still, we managed to barbecue some delicious food. Afterwords, nearly a half dozen other women who were also left behind descended upon our duplex to partake in dinner with us. After dinner, I ran to the video store to get a movie. After the movie, I ended up in a discussion with Jessica that started with the topic of alternative medicine but ended with comments about plant sperm and molesting a horse.

Today, I helped out another of the survivors left behind at the university this weekend. I helped Jeremiah with issues on his website. I am now convinced that Jeremiah is my evil twin: we're both musical nerds. However, he's more musical, and I'm more nerdy. Actually, if anyone's the evil twin, it's me: Jeremiah is an angel complete with the white robe and halo. Still in gratitude for my help, I was invited to dinner with some of the MKs from Bolivia³ who stayed behind for Fall Break. The meal was some delicious Pique Macho that was once again prepared by women while the men had fun. Ironically, Amy has now made me dinner two nights in a row. I'm convinced that she'd make a good wife.

Later that evening, Peter, some of the other survivors and I out of pure boredom decided to engage in a little mischief. I can't post here what happened because of fear of academic repercussions and legal prosecution, but if you're dying to know, ask me.

I seem to like these instances where the bulk of the JBU community runs off to some exotic place while close friends stay nearby. It makes these moments in life rather fun.

1. The Broncos didn't play, so that made it suck
2. Right, guys?
3. Which (at least in the context of MKs from JBU) I seem to confuse easily with Columbia.