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So, tonight I felt like crying for the first time in years.

Tonight sucked! On top of just having a harder-than-normal course load, I've been trying to keep my job at the wonderful California Café on campus. No, the pay is not great; I keep the job because I like it. I enjoy smiling at people, calling them “sir” or “ma'am” and satisfying their cravings for good ol' American food. I love my coworkers, and they seem to love me. It's usually been awesome… until now. Now? I'm in charge. I'll say this: being in charge sucks. When problems happened before, someone else knew exactly what to do, and the situation would be remedied. Now, when problems flare up, I'm the person that all people look to for solutions. The problem is that I don't have the solutions; I'm just not that good at what I do. I had people waiting for twenty minutes for a cup of coffee! Needless to say, I didn't do my job well. I feel that I've been placed in a position that I'm not ready to do alone. I feel that I still need someone there to hold my hand at this point.

In addition to the problems with work, college life is taking its toll on my sanity. I think that I took a slightly larger class load than I should have. However, I'm going to try to stick with it. Plus, I'm involved in some other campus whatnots. I just finished my O. Leader shindig this past weekend. (I missed the celebration party tonight because I had to work. It really made my day when two of the O. Directors came over to my workplace for no other reason than to give me a mug as a present for my work.) I'm continuing my place with Acting on AIDS as one of the leaders in a position that I'm more comfortable working in. Plus, I'll be working with Men's Ministries doing the-Lord-knows-what. It would help to cut one of these out of my schedule in order to retain my sanity.

In addition, tensions are rising among those that I live with. Most of it's just issues that I really have no control over. Others, I'm directly responsible for. Apparently, my roommates haven't been able to get a decent night's sleep because I supposedly have a snoring problem. I don't feel so bad about it because my roommate likes to hit me in my sleep. He probably stays awake at night waiting for me to snore so that he can take out his sadistic aggression on me by smacking me with a pillow as hard as possible.

It's raining. Anytime it rains, I want to smoke. However, I only have a pipe, and that's not compatible for quick smoking, and I'm impatient at the moment. However, that's probably a good thing. Smoking's only going to kill you quicker, but at this point, I wouldn't mind dying. Of course, I never mind dying, and if that's the worst that can happen, there's hope in life after all. I haven't smoked since I've gotten to Arkansas, so I'll see how long I can keep this up. Then again, it's 3:00 AM, and I should probably sleep instead of smoke.