Weblog

So, this weekend, I got to hang out with a pretty nice bunch of gentlemen. My friend, Ryan, got married on Saturday. My old youth pastor and an old friend made the trek from Colorado to Arkansas and picked me up along the way. However, being there that early with nothing to do meant that I had to hang out with the wedding party beforehand. Needless to say, I kind of “felt like a schmuck”¹ hanging around with the wedding party, eating their food and distracting them from their purpose.² In my times of distracting them from their purpose, I got into a conversation about past stupid acts.³

I still carry an amount of guilt about things in the past that I've done. When I think of my mistakes, I start to beat myself up over it. The conversation that took place in the basement of that church was something along the lines of “Christ died for that; He forgave you. Why not forgive yourself? Why add weight to His shoulders on the cross?” Hey, forgive myself? That's a wonderful idea!

Anyone have any suggestions?

It seems easier said then done. It's not like I can just feel better about it suddenly.

Yeah, I feel like a schmuck.

Otherwise, the rest of the weekend… let's just say that it didn't go according to plan. I'm not bitter in any sense of the word at all, but it does start to gnaw away at your self-esteem when you're 0/3. (If none of this makes sense, don't worry; it's not supposed to.) So, I'm a tad depressed. However, I have always thought (in my case) that depression is good. When I'm depressed, I think deeply and my weblog entries turn out to be longer than most. However, I've discovered that when I'm depressed, I eat… a lot. When you have to pay the food bill yourself, you start to notice when you eat half of an entire large-size bag of potato chips in one sitting right before bed.

Yeah, I feel like a schmuck.

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1. My new favourite term.
2. Think Wedding Crashers.
3. Which, coincidentally, has been on my mind a lot lately.