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I thought that I had destroyed them all.

This summer I came across a bunch of love letters from my old girlfriend. Pretty much out of bitterness, I burned them all. My bitterness stems from the fact that she won't talk to me. Well, I'm fine with that, but I'm only fine with that because I have to be. It's a situation that I hate being in, but things like that happen.

The other day, while packing to come down to Arkansas, I came across a note that slipped through my fingers along with a teddy bear that she gave me.

My Friend

You are a special part
of all that I hold dear to heart.

And when the days and miles divide us
our friendship still lives on inside us.

The dreams we've shared, the laughter too…
I love the friend I found in you!

I ♥ you, Dani!

I'm tempted to destroy them. I destroyed the other literature; it makes sense to burn this one as well. Still, when I read this note, I was reminded of the themes of this and all the other notes. One of the recurring ones was that we'd be friends forever. I really don't know what to think about that. We were such great friends before we got together, and I made the mistake of taking it to the next level. From there, I made horrible mistakes… we made horrible mistakes. Still, it's the past and it can't be changed. What can be is in the future.

So, what's in store for the future? I don't really know if that would be in my best interest. Now that I think about the term best interest, I don't know if that's my true thought. When I say if that would be in my best interest, I'm really saying I don't know if I'd want that. A part of me would like to still be good friends with her and, if not friends, on decent terms at least. Another part of me wants nothing of that. That part of me wishes that I never see her again.

At this point, I've decided to keep the note. For her birthday, I got her a Bible with a note inside that went along the theme of eternal friendship. Maybe one day I'll have the opportunity to at least talk to her, and the note could provide hope for that day. I guess that it depends on what day of the week it is if good things will happen. If it's the wrong day, I might just blow up and say angry things. Who knows? One day, maybe we might be on speaking terms… or maybe I should put the note to my cigarette lighter right now and forget about it.