Weblog

“And Cleveland, you're the boss because of your attention to detail. Like when we play pool, you take so long to line up your shots; I just want to crack you with a cue stick. But I don't because that would be a hate crime, and I love you.”

Seth MacFarlane, “Love Thy Trophy”, Family Guy

I was just reading in the newspaper the other day that Colorado Governor Bill Owens signed a bill into law that would make assaults on homosexuals a hate crime. I don't understand the concept of hate crimes. I just have an issue with hate crimes as I believe the distinction is… well… dumb, but that's not the issue that I want to address. What I do want to address is the fact that the government is making a stand on the issue.

Homosexuals are natural. They are just as natural as murder, rape, theft and all the other nasty stuff are. The Bible itself says that homosexuality is a sin, but the government doesn't care about what's in the Bible. I have my own argument for dealing with why homosexuality should be illegal in nonbiblical terms. I call it The Chickenboinker Argument.

Here's how it goes: if we allow two gay men to marry each other (or even boink each other) because they are truly in love with each other, then, how can the government prohibit two siblings from marrying each other if they are truly in love with each other? How can the government prohibit a man and a child from marrying each other if they are truly in love with each other? How can the government prohibit a man and six women from marrying each other if they are truly in love with each other? How can the government prohibit a man and a chicken from marrying each other if they are truly in love with each other (hence the term)? Obviously, the government can't allow incestuous relationships. So, why is it that it can allow homosexual ones?

As an American, you have the right to hate anyone: homosexuals, Jews, nerds, blacks, people with green skin, triskaidekaphobes, left-handed people, people with blue eyes, people with brown eyes, people with no eyes, Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Hitler, God, people with SUVs, people who like country music, Catholics, Protestants, atheists, illegal immigrants, legal immigrants, all immigrants, all natives, Spanish speakers, English speakers… Having prejudices against people is a right that people have. It's not the best right to take advantage of, but it's still a right. So, why is the government trampling on that right? Sure, it's not good, but neither is uttering four-letter words in public. Plus, I don't like the way that the government can take any such behaviour that excludes such a group as a prejudice. My liberal, I-am-more-important-than-your-mommy-and-have-a-say-in-your-development fifth-grade teacher taught us that a prejudice is dislike of someone for no logical reason. Well, my dislike of homosexuals is logical: it's sin. If you don't believe in sin, then, just believe that my homophobia is genetic. In short, I was born that way. What's going to suck is that churches can't expel members of their congregation that are sexually immoral as the Bible says that they should. A woman sued her child's private, Christian school after he was expelled when it was learned that the mother earned the tuition money through working as a dancer at a strip club. That's the way that the church should run things, but it's seen as hateful. Well, the church doesn't do things that the world will like; it does things that it should. I fear the church that pleases men rather than God.