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So, tomorrow is Columbus Day. Here's an overview of what Columbus did:

Columbus discovered America in the year A.D. 1492. By using the term discovered, we're saying that he was the first person to find America. When he found America, he had a friendly encounter with some of the inhabitants of the lands that he discovered (who were there before Columbus discovered America). He left some of his sailors with these inhabitants (who were there before Columbus discovered America) as he sailed back to Castille. He brought back to Castille two of those inhabitants (who were there before Columbus discovered America). On his second voyage, he managed to enslave around 1,600 of these inhabitants (who were there before Columbus discovered America) and sent those inhabitants (who were there before Columbus discovered America) back to Castille. When the inhabitants (who were there before Columbus discovered America) arrived in Castille, the royalty of Castille sent them back to America where Columbus records in his journals as using some of the inhabitants (who were there before Columbus discovered America) as sex slaves. Other antics performed by Columbus were misleading some of the inhabitants (who were there before Columbus discovered America) into believing that he was a God by predicting a lunar eclipse and chopping the hands off of inhabitants (who were there before Columbus discovered America) who didn't collect enough gold.

I'm going to stop my tirade before Columbus Day is banned, and millions of school children across America hate me for taking away a day off of classes.